Justin B Rye 1992–1998
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Section 5: XENOBIOLOGY

5.0 MAJOR RACES (see footnotes, postscripts)

I thoroughly approve of the inconsistent revised Klingons; forget all those fan theories about Klingon/Human hybrids, I'll accept them as an improved visual effect.  Tlhingan is the best made-up language I know of – Esperanto sucks; trust me, I'm a linguistics graduate.  But:

• Why in that case do the STTNG Romulans still customarily speak English?
• Why Vulcan, Romulus, and Remus – names from Roman mythology?  For some reason STTNG stubbornly refuses to name the Klingon homeworld, but the Tlhingan for their ex-allies' planet is Romulus – not likely to be a human loanword, as humans and Romulans hadn't yet communicated!
• Why the subtle but total reversal of their racial characteristics, from (STTOS) devious cowardly Klingons and duty-bound warrior Romulans, to (STTNG) honour-bound savage Klingons and scheming cowardly Romulans?
• Why don't Romulans have any detectable Vulcanoid psychic powers?  How exactly did they get to Romulus (without FTL drives)?  Why was Spock surprised by their Vulcan appearance in Balance of Terror (STTOS1)?
• Has Vulcan been conquered (Bones, in The Conscience of the King, STTOS1) or not (Spock, The Immunity Syndrome, STTOS2)?
• If Vulcan culture is so logical, why is it entirely composed of ritual mumbo-jumbo?
• Can Betazoids read Ferengi minds (The Price, STTNG3) or not (Ménage à Troi, also STTNG3)?  Own up, Deanna; it's all bluff, isn't it?

5.1 PANHUMANISM (see footnotes, postscripts)

However hard the Enterprise tries to boldly go where no man has gone before, it always finds people already there.  Terran colonists on the planet Norma Major are fair enough; but how does everyone else, e.g. all the various stagnant computerised societies, come to look so humanoid?  The excuses given are as scrappy as ever, and come in two main flavours:

1. Parallel evolution – a supposed natural trend towards humanoidism, as used to explain the Vulcanoids in Who Watches the Watchers? (STTNG3) or those (English-speaking!) paraRomans in Bread and Circuses (STTOS2).  The idea is that sentient races become similar due to sharing a niche – as have sharks and dolphins.  But these latter began with common design features (spine) and restrictions (streamlining), while ETs share little beyond a need for manipulatory appendages.  Starfaring elephants, squid, and centaurs might be expensive but their absence needs a better excuse.
2. Prehistoric tampering by aliens; e.g. the Preservers who spread Earth humans (like the Amerinds of The Paradise Syndrome, STTOS2) through the galaxy millennia ago, or the DNA-graffitists who interfered in various primordial soups four billion years before (The Chase, STTNG6).  Neither of these oneshot revisions explains why Ferengi should look so much like Vulcans despite their underlying biochemical differences.  What the Star Trek Universe needs is well established Ancients tampering millions of years ago.

5.2 CROSSBREEDS: HOW? (see footnotes, postscripts)

Spock's father Sarek is an ET; his ancestors spawned in a different ocean (STTOS1, The Man Trap).  Amanda has better chances of having kids by a horseshoe crab – it may have copper-based blood, like Vulcans, but unlike the average alien it at least has a DNA-based genetic code (the medium, let alone the language)!  If she manages to conceive, how can a green-blooded mongrel baby gestate in a human womb?  Yet we saw Spock's birth in STTMP5, with no sign of biotechnological jiggery-pokery.  Nor is he the only healthy, seemingly fertile hybrid in the Star Trek Universe.  We've met…

• Saavik, who is, I'm reliably informed, a Vulcan/Romulan (big deal).
• Deanna Troi, who is of course a half-Human half-Betazoid half-wit.
• Keylar, an engineered (but isn't that taboo?  See 1.6) Human/Klingon.
• Alexander, Worf's son by Keylar, whose hybrid background is ignored.
• Other natural-born quarterbreeds, such as Devinoni (a quarter-Betamax).
• Bayel, a Klingon/Romulan (with a remarkably complicated forehead).
• Sela, who is a Human/Romulan, and seemingly an unplanned pregnancy!

What next – a Gorn/Ferengi?  A Tholian paternity suit for Riker?  This is all inconceivable, to coin a phrase.  The simplest revision would be to downplay the differences between pseudo-hominids (e.g. no green blood; and pale blue was likelier, anyway); blame them on the Ancients' genetic experiments.  Contrariwise, the non-humanoid races should be as varied as the effects budget can handle (I for one want to see Muppeteers!).

5.3 CROSSBREEDS: WHY? (see postscripts)

Spock's dilemma (repress his human emotional half, or have fun?) was dramatically justified.  But STTNG crossbreeds seem to be there largely to illustrate the very right-wing doctrine of Genetic Determinism.  Some races are innately rational, or dull-witted, or vicious; and if you are half Klingon, like Keylar, then efforts to resist your sociobiological programming are futile; you'll still be a belligerent sadist at heart.

In the case of a fictional interstellar hybrid, it may be true.  But weren't all those cooperating alien species originally a metaphor for tolerance between the different earthly races?  Aren't they implying that these also have genetically enforced psychological peculiarities, such as (say) duplicity, or aggression, or a natural sense of rhythm?  …Well, if not, then what are they trying to tell us?  (See section 9)

FOOTNOTES

POSTSCRIPTS